The Hardest Children’s Game in History

Japan does it right. If their children are going to have fun with Winnie the Pooh, they are going to work for it, damn it. This Flash game, in its unadulterated Japanese version, is the most difficult and frustrating shit ever made interactive. Pooh faces off against his Hundred-Acre-Wood friends in ascending levels of bullshit, offered purchasable upgrades that become horrendously expensive and stop making much difference halfway through. To win, you have to bat that shit with perfect timing on a great proportion of pitches. A man of reason will give up upon reaching Tigger, who throws unpredictable fucking zigzag pitches.

I made it to the sixth or so opponent before the game, already a funless challenge, became nothing more than a mockery of my feeble mortal mouse handling skills and I was forced to concede to Japan. There are pitches that change speed and corkscrew shitballs whizzing around the screen like pissed off eggs. Word has it, a later opponent just throws invisible pitches.

Hard mode: no turning the music off

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