Vocaloid!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m still not sure if Vocaloid is also some specific sort of anime, or solely a genre of what may be considered music based on voice-manipulation software with the same name. If anyone calls it a “phenomenon” I will be the first to correct you, pointing out that it is my phenomenon, and there is now nothing I care about even close to as much as these cotton-candy-colored cartoon girls. You may think you like Vocaloid, or claim to know what it is, but you lie. It is fundamentally not understandable, I am the Chalmers to your Chopra, and it is only through my ready admission that it two billion percent fucking nonsense do I retain the right to even have an opinion about it.

No one cares about this brightly-colored horse shit more than I do this very moment. Just look, look at it right now

Everything is about the power of persistent wan wan o. About halfway through the video the carrot girl is taking her dog for a wan wan walk and a guy with a fake tan called Suzuki appears and fucks her up with a machine gun. She recovers because the dog licks her face* and this leads to a supernatural transformation. In her ascended form, the main character pummels Suzuki, who still possesses the weapon, but is incapable in his awe of doing anything other than standing there shamefully. You’d think, if you had a machine gun, and someone turned all superhuman in front of you, you’d probably just take a few shots cause you might get them before they’re completely invincible and start murdering you back, or maybe you can hurt them at least a little with bullets, like if they’re not the full-on Superman kind. Anyway the outcome of this scrim is actually just MORE WAN WAN O.

That’s how Vocaloid works. It makes you happy. It makes everyone happy. It solves your problems. It protects you and those you love. And as it is used for the forces of good, it becomes stronger, and produces only more Vocaloid. But only this time. For as soon as you begin to understand it, it becomes something different, and even more kawaii.

To be continued maybe

Probably not

* maybe it was inevitable in this timeline that she ascend to godhood, and she later used her time traveling powers to send the dog back in time to right before she was getting shot, to ensure her prior recovery/transformation and avoid creating a temporal causality paradox (or maybe, since the bullets didn’t seem to hurt her in the first place, the dog is just licking the bullets off her face). it’s a mystery and that’s why so is vocaloid
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